There You Are Again
by Alastair Seki
Summary: This is a stream of conciousness story. One that gets into the head of everyone's favorite angsty ninja. Sasuke, that is. Enjoy!


Hello, everybody! Welcome to my first posted story. Hope you like it, and any feedback is highly appreciated. hint hint This is just a little stream of conciousness ditty that takes a look at some of the thoughts that might grace everyone's favorite angsty ninja. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Which is probably a good thing, since I would probably do unspeakable things with the characters and they'd hate me for life. Meh, guess there's an upside to everything... sigh

There you are again: with that hurt look in your eyes. Yeah, that one that you won't let show on your face. I've said something spiteful again. Called you names, been insulting. Just like usual. I probably commented on how stupid or annoying you are. I'm not really sure what I say anymore these days, I just know that it _can't_ be the truth. Because that would ruin everything.

There is a reason I say all these horrible things. But it's not what you think. It's not what anybody thinks…

It's not that I don't think you're funny. 'Cause I do. I want to smile and laugh at your antics. Sure you can be excessively hyper, but you really do have a good sense of humor that you use without putting other people down or being distasteful. … Except for that Sexy no Jutsu thing… which, when you stop to think about it, really _is_ amusing to watch. I don't think anybody really realizes the actual potential in that move. Distraction can be a very important strategy in fighting, you know.

It's not that I don't think you're smart. 'Cause I do. You've proved you can come up with some decent plans. Sure you may not be the sharpest kunai in the drawer, but you're not as dumb as everyone thinks you are. Even if you aren't very good at written tests, it takes at least a little intelligence to come up with all the crazy schemes that you enjoy pulling off most of the time. And you did do a good job in that first fight against Zabuza; tricking him by turning into a shuriken yourself to hide behind my other shuriken.

It's not that I don't think you're loyal. 'Cause I do. You're always talking about your precious people. Sure you may not have very many persons who care about you, but you are making more and more people look at you as their friend everyday. It really takes dedication to decide to go after someone, trying to save them, (when they obviously are rejecting your help) just because you don't want to see them leave.

It's not that I don't think you're brave. 'Cause I do. I've seen you prove it more than enough times. Sure you may be kind of rash in some things, but you are never afraid to stand up against someone no matter how much stronger they are. Sometimes I think you don't even realize that your opponent can completely destroy you. Or maybe you do, you just know that you're too stubborn to lose. After that first fight with the puddle-ninjas, you've never frozen. You even called _me_ on being too afraid to move when fighting that grass-nin.

So you see, it's not that I really think you actually _are_ all those things I call you: dead last, idiot, scaredy cat. It's just that I can't tell you the truth.

I want to really be your teammate. You know, work together and compromise, accomplish goals and finish objectives, solve problems and celebrate victories. I just don't know how.

I want to be your friend. You know, share memories and dreams, good times and bad times, happiness and sorrow. I just don't know how.

I want to be your brother. You know, stick together through thick and thin, always knowing that no matter what you do, you've got someone who will care about you; forever, unconditionally. I just don't know how.

I've never felt the need to work with anyone else. I've never needed anyone else to complete missions with me, because I've always been strong enough on my own.

I've always been kept apart from people my age. They only see me as a figurehead, an icon, not a real live person with feelings and thoughts, who can interact with them like just any other kid.

I've only had one role model for brotherhood, and frankly, he isn't a very good one. He never really spent that much time with me. I think he thought I hated him. Oh, yeah, and he murdered my entire family. Not a good example of how to be an older brother, is it?

So you see… no matter how much I wish I could tell you the truth: that I think you're top-of-the-class, genius, hero. I can't. What happens if I screw it up? What happens if after I tell you, you don't feel the same? Or I say or do something that makes you hate me forever? I'll be back to where I was after Itachi killed everyone; all alone. Except this time it'll be worse, because I'll have had just a little glimpse of happiness, of family, again. It would be so much harder to lose it _again_.

… What if someone hurt you? Killed you? And I couldn't be there to protect you?

I would have to learn to forget about the good times, because it would hurt too much to remember. I would have to learn how to let you go. But I couldn't do that. Because I just wouldn't know how.


End file.
